Puppy Chow

©Alex Wolfe Photography

INGREDIENTS:

1 box of Chex Mix Cereal (you can get rice, corn, or both!)

1 bag of semi-sweet vegan friendly chocolate chips

1/4 plus 1 heaping TBSP of Earth Balance vegan butter (or you can make your own!  Look under "Trusty Resources" tab and find out how!)

1 cup of peanut butter 

1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract

DIRECTIONS:

This is classic Puppy Chow.  No making it healthy, no fancy nut butters (though feel free to try it using almond or sunflower butter); like straight up 1999 party snack, heart attack in a brown paper bag.  You might remember this as the night you got diabetes.  So, just know that.  And if you feed this to your kids they will probably sleep again sometime around...never o'clock.  So know THAT, too.  This is great for a party, after a bad date, or just when your sweet tooth can't be satiated because you just smoked a fattie.  No joke, I've eaten so much of this I've puked. And I don't just meant that ONE time either.  

Part of the danger here is that it's just too easy to make.  So, let's promise each other something right now.  Repeat after me:

I, Alex (you, ________)

Solemnly swear

to only make this stoner stack

once a year

or as a gift for someone special

so long as there isn't too much time between the making of it and the delivering of it, otherwise I know I can't be trusted to be in the same room with it.

How to do?  Easy, peasy.  In a large bowl, gently dump the contents of one whole chex box. Put aside.

Next, in a medium size bowl add the peanut butter, chocolate and "butter."  Microwave for one minute and thirty seconds on high!  Then stir until melty and combined.  You can also do this on the stove top over medium heat; should take about two to three minutes (this would be preferable if this snack wasn't already designed to just kill you, so....)  Pour the chocolate mixture over the chex mix, tossing intermittently so that the cereal is evenly coated.  Don't be afraid to get your hands in there.  (That's what she said).

Lastly, dump the cereal mixture into a large brown paper bag (I used a Trader Joe's bag, and I think that might be gross?  But I wasn't sure, so I just did it.  I wasn't gonna tell you, but now I'm telling you and I feel a little vulnerable, so don't go shaming me or anything.  Please and thanks).  Once in the bag, pour about a whole box of powdered sugar (be sure to make sure it's vegan; non-organic sugars are often processed using animal bone char - blech!) . Close the bag and then shake it.  Shake it not so much like a polaroid picture, but rather like you're NOT supposed to shake a baby.  Hard and fast. (Oh, boy that's what HE said.  They are out of control, am I right?)

Transfer contents of bag to a baking dish and let cool.  

Eat SPARINGLY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.  And don't forget our promise to each other ; )